Zach! I really enjoyed this. I am not going to say that the proposition is necessarily a prize-winning idea, nor that the science interested me greatly, nor that you are some sort of accomplished genius (yet). I don't know whether those things are true, and they are not what enthralled me about your piece. What enthralled me was that you are able to simultaneously present a viable theory in a manner that was sophisticated, dumbed down, and funny at the same time. Lines like "The difference between scientific criticism and a nobel prize" are sharp, dry, conscious, and, for me at least, hilarious. This is the kind of piece that makes me excited to take Science Fiction with you next year (I hope that's still in your schedule.)
Ian, this is such a powerful, well-written piece, and such an important one, as well! The way you describe our society and how you felt before and during coming out was so truthful and raw. Pointing out how heteronormativity plays such a strong role in our society made me want to shout to the world my agreement. I have felt so discouraged about how heterosexual our world is for so long, but never before have I had a word to describe it. I wish everyone were able to read this piece, and I thank you for giving me a new word to describe our society.
I really like line, "the twisted broken family of four."
Its repetition followed by the line "they were still sisters" is universal in the sense that it reminds us that we are always connected to family–––even when family is not working the way we would like.
WOW!!! I loved this piece! The way you formatted it, along with the word choice really emphasized the emotions. I like the way I was able to get a sense of their relationship from the very first line. The fact that they were all together from the start really made an impact throughout the piece.
I really like the "twisted broken family of four" line as well! I'm curious on what inspired this. But goodness skyra, you have a wonderful way with words! I really like your imagery for e.g. "Sharing tears Speaking in melting voices Of velvet flower times." "The blood pumping defiantly through their hearts" it's all beautiful. I liked this piece a lot! Please continue to write, keep it up!! :)
I really like the "twisted broken family of four" line as well! I'm curious on what inspired this. But goodness skyra, you have a wonderful way with words! I really like your imagery for e.g. "Sharing tears Speaking in melting voices Of velvet flower times." "The blood pumping defiantly through their hearts" it's all beautiful. I liked this piece a lot! Please continue to write, keep it up!! :)
I really enjoyed this piece. It made me think about the relatives that I never saw very often. When people talked about the kind of person they were I felt like I missed out. It is hard to understand until you don't have the option for them to be in your life anymore. This piece was very well written and relatable. Well done.
William Bosco this is the saddest thing ever. I think you must have been inspired by custodians at our school or your old school. I know I have felt the same way about custodians and this piece makes me feel guilty for not going out of my way to talk to these people to clean up after me everyday. We are not grateful to the people that clean up after us. My mom used to always say "there isn't a magical fairy that cleans up after you, you gotta do it yourself." Well at school the custodians are the magical fairies and we don't appreciate them- we appreciate Santa, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy but not the cleaning people. It's not fair to them they deserve so much more that just our attention but we should at least give them that.
This is powerful, William. It made me think a about how ungrateful we all can be, even if it is unintentional. People take time out of their day to do kind things for us and most of the time, we are oblivious. I wonder if there one specific experience that inspired you to write this story. It is very well done.
I like how you show the wisdom of those much younger than us. When most people think of the wise, they think of the elderly. This makes sense, but we forget about the other wise group of people in our lives: the children. No one is more honest than a toddler (expect when they're in trouble, of course). They ask questions that we would never think to ask, or make realizations we would never make. It is important to listen to the children, for they are often wiser than us.
Alden I really enjoy this poem. It flows really well and is totally you. I also appreciate the war theme. Although it has pretty words the end took me by surprise. "He told me that he graduated from Yale three separate times," as well as,"Dusty and refreshing." caught my eye. I miss seeing more of your work in English class!
Abby, I love this! It's so funny, and it describes the situation perfectly. You stated how the entire series of events felt very simply and clearly, and I think it makes the poem sound really cool. I especially liked your line, "For the rest of the class we watched our little miracles". This is a fun memory to look back on, and your poem makes it all the better!
https://youngwritersproject.org/node/14851
ReplyDeleteRefrigerator
Zach! I really enjoyed this. I am not going to say that the proposition is necessarily a prize-winning idea, nor that the science interested me greatly, nor that you are some sort of accomplished genius (yet). I don't know whether those things are true, and they are not what enthralled me about your piece. What enthralled me was that you are able to simultaneously present a viable theory in a manner that was sophisticated, dumbed down, and funny at the same time. Lines like "The difference between scientific criticism and a nobel prize" are sharp, dry, conscious, and, for me at least, hilarious. This is the kind of piece that makes me excited to take Science Fiction with you next year (I hope that's still in your schedule.)
Deletehttps://youngwritersproject.org/node/14852
ReplyDeleteNobody Told me
Very courageous piece, Ian!
DeleteIan, this is such a powerful, well-written piece, and such an important one, as well! The way you describe our society and how you felt before and during coming out was so truthful and raw. Pointing out how heteronormativity plays such a strong role in our society made me want to shout to the world my agreement. I have felt so discouraged about how heterosexual our world is for so long, but never before have I had a word to describe it. I wish everyone were able to read this piece, and I thank you for giving me a new word to describe our society.
DeleteCongrats on speaking up.
ReplyDeleteTitle: Sisters
ReplyDeleteLink: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15099
I really like line, "the twisted broken family of four."
DeleteIts repetition followed by the line "they were still sisters" is universal in the sense that it reminds us that we are always connected to family–––even when family is not working the way we would like.
Well done.
WOW!!! I loved this piece! The way you formatted it, along with the word choice really emphasized the emotions. I like the way I was able to get a sense of their relationship from the very first line. The fact that they were all together from the start really made an impact throughout the piece.
DeleteI really like the "twisted broken family of four" line as well! I'm curious on what inspired this. But goodness skyra, you have a wonderful way with words! I really like your imagery for e.g. "Sharing tears
DeleteSpeaking in melting voices
Of velvet flower times." "The blood pumping defiantly through their hearts" it's all beautiful. I liked this piece a lot! Please continue to write, keep it up!! :)
I really like the "twisted broken family of four" line as well! I'm curious on what inspired this. But goodness skyra, you have a wonderful way with words! I really like your imagery for e.g. "Sharing tears
DeleteSpeaking in melting voices
Of velvet flower times." "The blood pumping defiantly through their hearts" it's all beautiful. I liked this piece a lot! Please continue to write, keep it up!! :)
https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15202
ReplyDeleteUncover
Wow, Colombe. I'm sorry. That must have been very hard to write. Writing about it showed a lot of courage.
ReplyDeleteFrom Owen Deffner
ReplyDeleteTitle: Still the Same
Prompt: Arm
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15211
Title: Resent
ReplyDeletePrompt: Unsaid
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15425
Very nice piece, Maeve. I think we all have regrets and things we wish could have been different.
DeleteI really enjoyed this piece. It made me think about the relatives that I never saw very often. When people talked about the kind of person they were I felt like I missed out. It is hard to understand until you don't have the option for them to be in your life anymore. This piece was very well written and relatable. Well done.
DeleteThe Custodian
ReplyDeletePrompt: Unsaid
https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15427
I think we take a lot of people for granted. Your piece is a nice reminder about not doing that.
DeleteWilliam Bosco this is the saddest thing ever. I think you must have been inspired by custodians at our school or your old school. I know I have felt the same way about custodians and this piece makes me feel guilty for not going out of my way to talk to these people to clean up after me everyday. We are not grateful to the people that clean up after us. My mom used to always say "there isn't a magical fairy that cleans up after you, you gotta do it yourself." Well at school the custodians are the magical fairies and we don't appreciate them- we appreciate Santa, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy but not the cleaning people. It's not fair to them they deserve so much more that just our attention but we should at least give them that.
DeleteThis is powerful, William. It made me think a about how ungrateful we all can be, even if it is unintentional. People take time out of their day to do kind things for us and most of the time, we are oblivious. I wonder if there one specific experience that inspired you to write this story. It is very well done.
DeleteHannah
Cindy Milman
ReplyDeletePrompt: Arm
https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15332#comments
Very funny! It's great that it's being considered for publication, too. I'll let you know if I hear anything about that.
DeleteBest, Mr. D
Title: Lessons in the Grocery Store
ReplyDeletePrompt: Today
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15430
I like this, Ally. The sentiment/lesson is a really good reminder for everyone. Best,
DeleteI like how you show the wisdom of those much younger than us. When most people think of the wise, they think of the elderly. This makes sense, but we forget about the other wise group of people in our lives: the children. No one is more honest than a toddler (expect when they're in trouble, of course). They ask questions that we would never think to ask, or make realizations we would never make. It is important to listen to the children, for they are often wiser than us.
DeleteTitle: baby sitting
ReplyDeletePrompt: Unsaid
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15438
Title: Molly
ReplyDeletePrompt: Unsaid
Link: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/15440
Very sorry to hear this Hannah. It might have been "unsaid," but I'll bet that Molly knew.
DeleteTitle: Listening to Derek
ReplyDeletehttps://youngwritersproject.org/node/15441
Alden,
DeleteI like the line "dusty and refreshing." What was the prompt?
Is this based on your grandfather?
Nice poem, regardless!
Alden I really enjoy this poem. It flows really well and is totally you. I also appreciate the war theme. Although it has pretty words the end took me by surprise. "He told me that he graduated from Yale three separate times," as well as,"Dusty
Deleteand refreshing." caught my eye. I miss seeing more of your work in English class!
Title: Teenage REalization
ReplyDeletehttps://youngwritersproject.org/node/15444
Title: Ressurection
ReplyDeletehttps://youngwritersproject.org/node/15450
Abby, I love this! It's so funny, and it describes the situation perfectly. You stated how the entire series of events felt very simply and clearly, and I think it makes the poem sound really cool. I especially liked your line, "For the rest of the class we watched our little miracles". This is a fun memory to look back on, and your poem makes it all the better!
ReplyDelete